Quiet, But Loud.

I usually just listen to my friends talk about whatever.
About their boyfriends.
About their first kiss.
About food.
About pain.
About other girls.
And all I do is nod.
And laugh.
And smile.
And shake my head.
And agree.
Sometimes it's like I was programmed to do that.
I know I wasn't.
I always make the mistakes of becoming friends with loud people.
I'm pretty loud.
They're louder.
Their personality's louder.
Their style is usually louder.
Their voices are louder.
Their opinions are louder.
And I try to talk about something going on in my life.
But they already know.
Because what's going on in m life is them.
Their life is the interesting one, not mine.
They are the ones with the boyfriends.
They're the ones with the guy telling them they're beautiful.
I'm the one watching and nodding.
Even if I like that guy.
Or that guy used to like me.
Or I used to hate that guy.
Or that guy hates me.
I'm a friend to some people.
An acquaintance to others.
I don't give anyone a reason to refer to me as an enemy.
I try to remain.. neutral.
I don't like to pick sides.
Unless we're referring to American Idol ;D
But I don't like choosing between friends.
Even if it's between a best friend and a not so close friend.
IT's not fair.
It's not fun.
No, thank you.
I'd rather go with neutral.
I try not to be annoying.
I try to accommodate people.
I'm losing myself.
I need to find me.